you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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