Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
