Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
