38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
