He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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