Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
