Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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