Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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