we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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