Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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