You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
