I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
