at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
