Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
