i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
