Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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