Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
