Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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