Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
