She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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