The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
