She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
