You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
