Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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