3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
