so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
