happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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