My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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