I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
