The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
