Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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