ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
