Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
