There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You did what with his pubic hair?
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