Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
