Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
