eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's even glitter on my cock...
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