I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
