don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
