I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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