I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
