Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
