Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
