i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize