i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
