Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
