Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
