I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize