writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
