she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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