he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
