I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
