here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
