I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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