This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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