Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
