his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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