I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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