She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
