Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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