Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
