so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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