If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize