i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
