I hope mine doesn't look like that
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
