high people should be assigned attendants
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
