Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
