Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize