Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
