Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
