It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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