Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
